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So this morning (or last night, whatever) I watched two films, the first one being Aquamarine..
Man this movie sucked. The first reel was like a hour long, I shit you not. The first sign of suckiness was the bad ADR at the beginning. The second was the perpetual wretching sounds I kept hearing in the theatre, which, come to find out, were coming from me. Ooops. There are these two unpopular little girls who live in Florida on the beach. One of them is moving to Australia (ignore the fact that this was filmed in Australia), the other girl has some issue with water, which means she won't step foot in it, so she is pretty damn stinky. They wish for some miracle so that they won't be separated, and lo and behold, a mermaid washs up the next morning in the nasty ass pool next to their house. The mermaid had some fight with her daddy and "swam away from home" (aww, isn't that pun just precious?), she has to prove that love exists or she will have to marry some merman even more vapid than she is. She gets the girls to help her make some himbo lifeguard fall in love with her in a very bizarre, preteen concept of what love is (gleaned from teeny bopper magazines no less) and in return she'll grant them one wish.
Wackiness ensues.
blah blah blah
The girl gets over her fear of water, then is eaten by a shark. The other girl's plane crash-lands while travelling over Australia; she gets stuck in the desert with a whole bunch of other children, and with the help of William Wallace, makes her way to Neverland. The mermaid is made into sushi by a rival female, and all the himbo is left with is some motherless guppies and a bunch of crabs all named Sebastian. His friends give him the nickname of "Singing Crotch" or "S.C." for short.
On to Ultraviolet.
I really wanted to like this film. Really really really. I loved Kurt Wimmer's previous film, "Equilibrium".
I really don't like "Ultraviolet".
I think it fell victim to the "Pitch Black" syndrome, where the first outing is incredible, then the next film had a huge budget and sucked big time.
I understand "Ultraviolet" is not a sequel to "Equilibrium". I liked the super sneaky non-use of vampirism in the trailers (I argued with a co-worker on it for a few hours, he didn't believe that this was a vampire flick). I liked the super sneaky way the characters hid their weapons (and before you ask, its not in the butt). I loved that William Fichtner played an unassuming, comfy-sweater clad vampire, and somehow, some way, managed to look... kinda sexy.. (I think its the teeth)
I hated the effect that the colour grading guy or the cinematographer or whoever used that made Milla Jovovich look all soft focus, like Elizabeth Taylor. I kept wanting to run upstairs and readjust the focus, but I knew it was fine. I hated how the fight scenes left you as a spectator, and not as a participant. I wasn't on the edge of my seat. I wasn't invested in the action. When an action scene has oomph, I'll be leaning forward, cheering the actor on, and (if I'm alone) I'll be screaming, "Get some! Get some!". And the cheesy onliners got to me too. It just makes me think of Ahnuld in "T-2". Its overplayed and done. I'm sick of these complete and total bad ass characters. Its nice for characters to show weakness, to not always have the perfect comeback when talking to the villain.
Speaking of villains, the big baddy, Daxus, looked as though he wanted to twirl a mustache through the whole damn film, but couldn't, because of some weird nose plug thingy. He wasn't very menacing. Morgoth the Cat is more fearsome. Paper cuts are scarier.
Oh, and this film has that creepy kid from "Running Scared" which I just saw last week. He was creepy in that too. In fact, I noticed, when I looked him up on IMDB, that he's been creepy in quite a few movies and tv shows. He was the creepy kid that almost got his freak on with Nicole Kidman in "Birth".
Poor thing. Typecasted before his voice even cracked.
The CGI wasn't terribly good in the film either. You know how I know? Because I noticed the CGI. If you notice the effects (whether or not they looked good) then the filmmakers have failed, because the whole point is suspension of belief. It interrupts the flow of the film and, well, makes you notice that you are watching a film.
So, to sum up everything.. ummm.. I'm tired.. I can't think of anything witty to say to end this, or, really, think of anything at all to end this, soooo...
HOLY SHIT!!! LOOK BEHIND YOU!!!!! |
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Now, some of you may be aware of the inherent dangers i face as a projectionist, be it film burn, explosive bulbs (serious death may occur), getting my finger caught in a reel as it spins faster than the eye can see, or getting a piece of film caught on a hangnail; but the most dangerous part of my job is: boredom.
Oh god was i bored tonight.
While all of you shiny people were in bed sleeping (or in the case of WildQueen, robbing old ladies for their poodle-grooming funds), I was at work, suffering for you, the SoCal movie audience. Suffering like Jesus did, as he rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, but my bum only hurts slightly worse, due to the uncomfortable nature of the seats in the auditoriums. I waited aeons for Brake Water to show up with our 4 films. (*Brake Water, if you recall from an earlier post, is proud of living up to their motto of, "We're Just Not Shitgivers.") When Brake Water did show, I wept. I wept for I must build those films, and then I must choose, and choose wisely, between Firewall or Pink Panther.
I chose Firewall.
I chose... most unwisely.
By Reel #2, I was playing Mahjong on my phone.
Reel #4, I fell asleep.
Reel #5, my mum dropped off my jury duty notice.. and I fell asleep again.
Funnily enough, I didn't miss a single reel change. My job title is Projections Cheetah.
Firewall, or as my co-worker called it, Bank Force 1, stars Harrison Ford, Virginia Madsen, Paul Bettany, and some guys.
Ford is a computer security honcho at some crappy bank and whey-hey-hey, here comes Paul Bettany with his thugs, kidnapping Ford's family, and wackiness ensues.
Ford's (or whatever the fuck he's called in this film, I never paid attention, Harrison Ford has gotten to the age, like Anthony Hopkins, where he just plays himself in each role.. 'cuz that's what real method-acting is, peeps!), anyway, Ford's kids are brats and die in a bloodbath at the end. Ford and his wife Virginia, keep the dog, and live happily ever after.
Or not, I left before the end of the movie.
Don't go see this movie.
See Hoodwinked, or Matador.
I have been up for 24 hours.
Atomicate--You can post this on the beaver site. Current Mood:  exhausted |
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I have this theory that National Geographic predicts the future.
( No really. ) |
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Dec. 17th, 2005 @ 12:27 am
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This movie was a lot better than I thought it was going to be. One of my roommates is BIG on horror films, especially ones based on H.P. Lovecraft's work. I saw one once, called "Lurking Fear", but that wasn't anything like the story i read, so i was rather disappointed. "Reanimator" on the other hand, was just plain silly. I'm not sure i read the story it was based on, but man, can Lovecraft write comedy or what?
Ahem...
"Knock, knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Cthul."
"Cthul who?"
<insert spoiler notice here>
So anyhow, the two main "love interest/beautiful people" characters are as annoying as my co-worker's singing. The guy looks fantastical with his toned body, and we all know how he got into med school, right?....................... That's right, lot's of hard work, studying, and boning the dean's daughter!! The dean's daughter who has blonde hair, a ditzy voice, a wonderous and irritating naivety, bad eighties' clothes (like there was any other kind), crap acting skillz, and by the end, you pray to the Old Ones that she dies and doesn't get brought back from the dead.................... but she does.. but not before getting felt up by a headless man and said headless man's severed head.. HOT!!
The two characters that made this film were the creepy med student from <insert spooky music> SWITZERLAND and the creepy brain surgeon, who chew and chew every piece of film time they are allotted.
Great. Now my ex is IM'ing me and i've lost my train of thought...
fuck... sorry.. I will continue at some other date.. | |
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Dec. 16th, 2005 @ 01:43 am
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i found out today that my friend Christian's bro Cory died yesterday. This is my tribute to him.. He was a funny funny guy.. i wish i had his kind of funny... this is taken from his rotten tomatoes journal: ( monkey vs. bearded dragon )Current Mood: sad |
| » no i don't press play on the dvd player for a living |
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so it looks like i'm staying at my job for a few more years.. my department head is moving to IDAHO in Septmember and i'm gonna take over the booth... woot?
more pay, the cool title of Projection Manager on a resume, annnndd.. more crap films.. meh.. so hopefully with skool (which i sign up for tomorrow and i'd better get the fucking classes i want dammit.. please please br'er palomar???)and eventually finishing and typing up the book i'm writing and so on.. I can actually get the hell out of the hole i put myself in!!! yay?
tomorrow begins my Narnian hell..everyone goes to rosarito, i stay to build a 9 reel film.. or two.. or three or four..
*fun fact: the films are sent to us on 9-20 minutes of film on reels.. sent by three distributors: technicolor, ETS, or Brakewater.. tech. and ETS deliver during the day via DHL and Brakewater delivers via some cracked out ex biker dude who arrives between the hours of midnite and 4 AM!!! (if he feels like it) on Friday morning.. and brakewater sucks.. ass.. seriously.. its not the courier that i mind, cuz he's all "fuck all" about everything and anyone(he called Mobsters and Mormons a piece of shit in front of the GM.. giggle).. its not the service at the distribution center that i mind either, cuz they're just like "yeah whatever" when you complain about the courier.. No what bugs me is that the prints that they release are just so GODDAMN DIRTY!!!! I swear (and i do.. alot) that they got some FNG workin at the developement lab and is pissing on the prints while they develope.. Aeon Flux-ass nasty, Harry Potter-had to replace a reel, WTF?!
so yeah--Harry Potter-9 reel film=2hours37mins... think of the suck of Narnia.. but i'll prolly enjoy it.. and see it wednesday..
Dec. 6th, 2005 @ 10:44 pm
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i saw Harry Potter.
By myself.
a day before anyone else i know did.
mwah
then again, I watched the Legend of Zorro by myself, before anyone else i know did and that movie blew.
i think this is a fair balance, no?
i have suffered thru many bad films.
don't playah hate.
Nov. 17th, 2005 @ 05:46 am
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saw this trailer on Jarhead.. Jarhead was good..
this movie looks good too..
http://www.munichmovie.com/trailer_sm.html
Nov. 5th, 2005 @ 02:11 pm
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so i heard this band on the radio on big sonic chill the other night.. after going to their website, i decided that even though some of the music is very techno/disco crap, there are some songs that are just good.. so, i give you the good
http://boss.streamos.com/wmedia/astralwerks/royksopp/the_understanding/video/what_else_is_there_300.asx
Nov. 3rd, 2005 @ 10:08 am
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i like the word "dry-hump"..
Aug. 30th, 2005 @ 05:04 am
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| » i guess i'm "it" |
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well.. i've been tagged at least 3 times, so i should probably post..
things that make me happy
no particular order:
1. microwaveable chimichangas (cuz that's all i've got for another week)
2. Mexico
3. sunrise after a bad night
4. books
5. talking to people
6. sneezing
7. driving long distances in the middle of the night
8. friends and family
9. being creative {may be taken in whatever context you feel like}
10. film, and the phenomenon known as persistence of vision
now i must tag 5 others.. who shall these quivering mortals be?
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) teka13 regscots squigglyruth dirtypunker666 disparel
tremble in fear!!
no tagbacks!
Aug. 30th, 2005 @ 04:05 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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LOOK OUT!
ïòð | | razorgirlwild is a radioactive squirrel!! |
From Go-Quiz.com
Aug. 10th, 2005 @ 02:53 am
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| » tattoos |
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i gots me a tattoo.. in fact.. I GOT'S ME TWO TATTOOS!! and they only took 7 minutes all told..
until i can get the pics from queenie or salena, i'll just say that i got's a tattoo of a unicorn and a spice girl..
or did I?
ooooo
Jul. 22nd, 2005 @ 05:04 am
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just read chuck palahnuik's "Survivor" and "Haunted"..
"Haunted" hit the nail on the head.. once you get past the "guts" story.. which wasn't as bad as i was led to believe.. those crazy media people..
May. 16th, 2005 @ 05:18 am
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Hahahah!!!
Apr. 27th, 2005 @ 01:21 am
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trebuchets!! trebuchets!! trebuchets!!
we are talkin' a plethora of trebuchets in cinema today.. why? I swear, i've seen a frillion of movies with trebuchets (or treebuckets as my friend runt calls them).
Here are a few:
Kingdom of Heaven. I am assuming there are trebuchets in this film, as the trailer has them.. unless the trailer is lying.. bastards
All of the Lord of the Rings films.. or most of them.. or was it the last two.. or the last one.. I know Minas Tirith as some huge trebuchets...
Timeline... yeeep.. they had 'em..
The Last Castle.. a trebuchet made out of playground equipment.. or workout equipment from a prison yard.. same thing, right?
King Arthur.. not exactly trebuchets persay, but similar enough..
Glitter... should have had trebuchets... should have had them launch Mariah Carey into the sky.. that would have been AWESOME.. did i mention i saw less than five minutes of this film at my place of work and i almost stabbed out my eyes?
so what is a trebuchet you probably aren't asking?
well they ain't catapults..
doll's heads fly from them much easierly when they are filled with dirt (the doll's head)..
my friend alex has one.... and you probably don't.. so there..
http://www.trebuchet.com/
Mar. 17th, 2005 @ 04:21 am
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Dinner at razorgirl's parents (Aug 8th, 2004)
Posted 08/10/04 02:20 AM
Had dinner Sunday at Chez Razorgirl's Parents.
The food was excellent, with a fine cut of Costco steak, saute'ed mushrooms with bell peppers and onions (with a pat of fresh churned butter), corn ala' cob, and gently steamed brocolli, carrots, and potatoes. There was also a plethora of delectable French bread, or, as we call it stateside, Freedom bread. The wine was pleasant, a 2003 Riesling, and for dessert we enjoyed limon cake, smothered in frambois and strawberries.
The atmosphere left something to be desired, as our table was too close to the kitchen, and the decor was, well, how do I say it, rather plain. There was no tableclothe, the dinnerware mostly matched, and they provided the incorrect style of glasses for our wine. I also did not recieve either soup or salad, though I had specified as such in my reservations. We also sat too close to other diners, and many of them chimed in on our enlightening conversation on radio astronomy and the Cambridge University educational system. I had one gentleman (British I believe) who repeatedly asked me how I was doing, and how my car was running. It was enough to frighten a lady such as myself to faint. Polite British indeed!
The service was terrible. I did not realize, when I booked said reservations many weeks in advance, that we would have to line up buffet style for our food. The waitress ignored my glasswaving for more wine, I saw the cook grilling our steaks without a hairnet, and the employees' uniforms were mismatched and unprofessional. I also saw many customers dressed in t-shirts and jeans, completely inappropriate for a supposedly trendy restaurant. I could not believe I had driven 45 minutes for this! And the wait was awful, with no appetizers, and a kind of nut brown ale to sip on. Really!
After I complained to management, I managed to get the next meal free, though I am unsure of whether or not I will be coming back to this establishment any time soon. My good friend, Mme. Butlinds, had recomended this dinery very highly, and now I shall have to reconsider any of the social balls where we may be seen together.
In short:
4/10
Mar. 17th, 2005 @ 04:18 am
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fuck
i am a blogger now.
DAMN YOU QUEENIE!!! KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!
Mar. 17th, 2005 @ 04:13 am
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8/10